Growing up with a parent who struggles with BPD can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and it can feel like you’re often walking on eggshells.

But please know that you deserve to prioritize your own well-being, set healthy boundaries, and create a life that feels good to you.

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Let’s explore these 21 tips for navigating the challenges of having a parent with BPD, and finding peace, joy, and empowerment along the way.

1. Educate yourself about BPD.

 

The more you understand about BPD, the more you can separate your parent’s behavior from your own self-worth.

Read books, articles, and resources that help you make sense of your experiences and validate your feelings.

2. Know that it’s not your fault.

Your parent’s BPD is not caused by anything you did or didn’t do. You are not responsible for their emotions, reactions, or choices. Repeat after me: It’s not my fault.

3. Set and maintain healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are a way of honoring your own needs and limits. Learn to say no when you need to, and communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently.

4. Practice self-care regularly.

Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

Take a bubble bath, go for a walk in nature, read a good book, or have a dance party in your living room. Prioritize your own well-being, and fill your cup first.

5. Seek support from a therapist or counselor.

Having a safe space to process your experiences, learn coping strategies, and work through any trauma is crucial. Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional support.

6. Connect with others who understand.

Join a support group, online forum, or community of people who have similar experiences. Knowing that you’re not alone can be incredibly validating and empowering.

7. Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques.

When emotions feel overwhelming, bring yourself back to the present moment through deep breathing, sensory awareness, or other mindfulness practices.

8. Validate your own feelings.

Your feelings are valid, even if your parent tries to dismiss or invalidate them. Practice self-validation by acknowledging and accepting your own emotions without judgment.

9. Learn to detach with love.

Detaching with love means setting emotional boundaries while still caring for your parent. It’s a way of protecting yourself from chaos and drama while still maintaining a relationship.

10. Focus on what you can control.

You can’t control your parent’s behavior or reactions, but you can control your own choices, responses, and self-care. Focus on what’s within your power, and let go of what’s not.

11. Practice self-compassion.

Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and forgiveness you would offer a close friend. Remember that you’re doing the best you can with the tools you have.

12. Find healthy outlets for your emotions.

Journal, create art, play music, or engage in physical activity to release and express your feelings in a healthy way.

13. Set realistic expectations.

Your parent may not be able to give you the consistent love, support, and stability you needed. Grieve the relationship you wish you had, and find ways to meet those needs for yourself.

14. Create a support system.

Surround yourself with people who love, accept, and validate you. Build a chosen family of friends, mentors, and loved ones who have your back.

15. Practice forgiveness (for yourself and your parent).

Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning hurtful behavior, but it can be a way of releasing anger, resentment, and pain. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and forgive your parent for their limitations.

16. Celebrate your own successes and milestones.

Your accomplishments and joys are valid, even if you don’t feel these reflected back by your parent in the ways you’d like. Find ways to honor and celebrate yourself.

17. Set goals and pursue your dreams.

Don’t let your parent’s BPD hold you back from living the life you want. Set goals, take risks, and pursue your passions.

18. Learn to trust yourself.

Growing up with a parent with BPD can make it hard to trust your own instincts and perceptions. Practice listening to your inner voice, and trust that you know what’s best for you.

19. Embrace the power of choice.

You get to choose how you want to show up in the world, and what kind of life you want to create for yourself. Embrace your agency and autonomy, and make choices that align with your values and dreams.

20. Find moments of joy and gratitude.

Even in the midst of challenges, there are still things to be grateful for and moments of joy to savor. Look for the good, and cultivate a sense of appreciation and wonder.

21. Remember that you are not alone, and you are not broken.

Having a parent with BPD does not define you, and it does not mean that you are destined to struggle. You are a whole, worthy, and resilient person with a beautiful life ahead of you.

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Remember, you are not responsible for your parent’s BPD, and you deserve to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Keep taking it one day at a time, keep reaching out for support, and keep believing in your own strength and resilience.

If you ever need a virtual hug, a listening ear, or a reminder of how amazing you are, feel free to message me. 👇💕

You’ve got this, and I’m cheering you on every step of the way.