How to Stop People Pleasing: Discover 4 Keys to Break the Cycle
Let's talk about people pleasing - a habit that so many of us struggle with, but one that we can absolutely break free from.
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The Double-Edged Sword of People Pleasing
On the surface, it might seem like a way to keep the peace, maintain relationships, and avoid conflict. But when you constantly put others' needs and wants before your own, you're not only denying yourself the opportunity to live authentically, you're also setting yourself up for resentment, burnout, and a whole lot of frustration.
When we keep falling into this pattern it's easy to be hard on ourselves, but the very qualities that contribute to people pleasing are actually wonderful qualities! Your empathy, compassion, and desire to make others happy.. When you learn to harness these gifts in a way that supports you instead of suppresses you, magic happens. You start to create boundaries, communicate your needs, and show up as the centered, confident person you truly are.
The Three Drivers Behind People Pleasing
So, what are the specific drivers that sit behind the people pleasing pattern? There are three common ones to look out for:
Fear of rejection or abandonment – the belief that if you don't please others, they'll leave or reject you.
Low self-worth – the feeling that your own needs and desires aren't as important as everyone else's.
Perfectionism – the constant striving to be "perfect" in an attempt to avoid criticism or disapproval.
Do any (or all) of these resonate with you? If so, know that you're not alone, and that there's a way out of this cycle.
The Key to Breaking the People Pleasing Pattern
The MOST important thing to focus on if you want to embody your true self, free of the people pleasing pattern, is self-love and self-acceptance. When we truly love and accept ourselves, flaws and all, we start to realize that our worth isn't determined by how much we do for others or how well we fit into their expectations.
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Practice Self-Compassion
Start by practicing self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you so readily extend to others. Recognize that you're human, and that it's okay to make mistakes, have needs, and set boundaries.
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Tune Into Your Desires and Values
Next, start tuning into your own desires and values. What makes you happy? What feels authentic and true for you? When you start making decisions from your inner center, rather than focusing on other, your life starts to feel so much more fulfilling and joyful.
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Communicate Your Needs and Boundaries
Another key piece of the puzzle is learning to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly and kindly. This can be scary at first, especially if you're used to putting others' needs first, but it gets easier with practice. Remember, setting boundaries isn't selfish – it's a powerful act of self-love and self-respect.
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Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Finally, surround yourself with people who support and celebrate the real you. Find your soul family – the ones who love you for who you are, not what you do for them. When you have a strong foundation of supportive, loving relationships, it's so much easier to break free from people pleasing and step into your authentic self.
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Breaking the people pleasing cycle is a journey, and it's not always easy. But it's so worth it. When you start living from a place of self-love, authenticity, and alignment, your life becomes a beautiful expression of your true self.
If you could use some help breaking free from the pattern of people pleasing please get in touch! I’m here for you 🤗💫
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